mush

so i ran and ran only stopping to avoid getting hit by traffic and soon i was at the beach looking at the eastern anchorage there was a large wallenius wilhelmsen car carrier retrieving its massive anchor ready to head off to yet another port. the sun was massive and angry and everything that could reflect reflected the sun, the sun,the SUN MAN!!! the same sun that would beat down upon the rich and weary and the poor and weary and all the barn animals half a day later in the now sleeping city of acapulco and there and then it’d be referred to as THE ACAPULCO SUN but now it was the singapore sun and i was standing with my face to the sun and all i could think of was man this is an ugly beach so i turn around and point my nose towards what might seem to the foreign eye like a challenge to see how many beemers and mercs can congregate parked in one neighbourhood but this ain’t motorcity dude this is opera estate. so i run through opera estate up onto siglap hill through maria ave and there is an old house with a shit porch and in this shit porch sits two mercs and a sad gate just looking at each other all day now the sun is setting and a forlorn newspaper that was soaked in the morning rain then dried in the angry sun still hasn’t been moved by the hibernating occupants and the million words that make up all articles have turned into mush with no meaning just like this

Sarah

I used to be friends with a girl named Sarah. We weren’t that close but I was her only friend. I know so because she told me one day when we were walking together in a shopping mall. When I asked her why she didn’t have any other friends she told me it was because she just didn’t like most people, but I was alright to hang out with. There were a lot of things that Sarah didn’t like. Normal things that you or I wouldn’t even think twice about – she hated it. For instance, she hated to see or hear people yawn. She would get so annoyed and angry she’d think of stabbing them in their face. Also, she hated the sound of a bunch of keys or a pocketful of coins rubbing against one another. She said when she hears that, she thinks of ‘cutting their fucking heads off and shitting down their throats.’ These thoughts were scary indeed and no one would have expected it from a quiet young girl. She spoke only once in awhile when necessary. She once said to me, ‘There is no real need to convince anyone about anything. And why does anyone else need to know how you feel?’ That was her take on speech and communication.
Hanging out with Sarah was great. She didn’t say much to me at all. Once, I was half an hour late. I was expecting her to gouge one of my eyes out but instead she touched my face with her hand softly as I began to apologize. I guess it was her way of saying ‘its ok.’ Even though I quite enjoyed hanging out with her, we only met about once a month. She said she hated people asking her out, so I only went out with her when she texted to ask. Her messages were direct. They’d read something like ‘Tues 6pm City Hall’, and it would be up to me to tell her if I could make it or not.
Then about a year ago she died in her sleep, aged 22. I was very sad but one night about a week after she died while I was lying in bed I felt someone touch my face. It was Sarah. Her expression was rather placid and she looked as human as you or me. I guess she was saying it was alright and not to be sad either. She sat there like that for an awfully long time which was great because I missed her. Her hand was small and warm. Before she left she told me that she now has assumed responsibility of controlling the weather. It’s been humid and blisteringly hot for about a year now since her death with absolutely no rain. I think it’s because she hates most people.

Grandpa

10th July

Today in the morning after attending church with my grandmother we visited my Grandfather in the hospital. My Grandfather Is 87 this year and he is good as gold. It is always fun dining with him although of recent years he would choke on food often and cough really loudly often so much so that the people around us get worried that he was going to keel over. This stay in the hospital was due to a fall he had about a week back. It was only a day later that the ambulance came to take him to the hospital after the fall. He started acting weird and so my grandma called the ambulance and called me to come to the house. When the ambulance arrived he put on a crisp blue business shirt and trousers that had an old leather belt already threaded through. While talking to him I realised that he is now bonkers. He spoke with great gusto about politics, about ladies, about everything, but nothing made much sense. When the paramedics put him on the stretcher he thanked me for purchasing all the expensive medical equipment and I told him he was welcome and that I hoped he liked the ambulance I bought as well.

Today is a Sunday. A very very bright Sunday. There are barely any clouds in the sky, it’s all sun, sky and sky. The sun seemed angry. It was blistering.
Later on while I was smoking at my window I saw a black balloon float past my house more than a hundred feet above the ground, and float it did with such triumphant fluidity at about 6pm with the sun going down behind it I felt blessed to have witnessed that. Grandpas mind could have been floating away in the balloon bound for nowhere for all you know. As fast as it came it left and all there was left was the sky again.

The Sun

The sun beat down furiously on every inch of the camp bathing everything in molten gold. Everything metal reflected the fat old sun in the sky. I drove out with no direction and ended up in Little India. I sat down at a corner coffee shop and ordered a plate of onions and chili fried in batter and had two bottles of beer. On the way back to camp I drove straight into a condominium and walked out to a little corner coffee shop and caught another bottle of beer. The sun shone fiercely still. When I got back to camp I stopped by the pool. I took my clothes off and dipped my toes in the water. It was welcoming and I jumped in and swam a few laps. Under water I closed my eyes as I swam and thought of floating through rings of fire towards misty mountains never molested by men. When I opened my eyes I could see the shadows of the birds flying overhead cast on the floor of the pool. After a few laps I rolled out of the pool and lay flat on the floor with my face to the sun and the sun on my face. It was a beautiful day.

No Cars Halt

No cars halt

Due to poor estimation of time on my part I found myself brisk walking past the Kembangan train station towards the Frankel Avenue bus stop at 8:45pm. My forehead was damp with perspiration and I didn’t feel very good about myself. My hair was messy and my clothes were starting to lose the crispness the hot iron blessed them with. I usually never keep anyone waiting but these things happen once in awhile. I was supposed to meet my date at 9pm at Siglap Center. The only bus that brought me close to Siglap was bus 32 and the interval between each bus 32 is about a half hour. There was no one at the stop so I assumed a bus 32 had passed not too long ago. I looked around, for what I do not know, but I just did. A brown beagle behind a red house gate looked at me for awhile, then turned around and walked towards the back of the house. I thought I’d try to hitchhike to the end of Frankel Avenue and walk the five minutes to Siglap Center.

I stepped off the curb onto the bold double yellow lines and stuck my thumb out and tried to look harmless. A large BMW slowed down to look at me and then accelerated off. Then a couple more continental cars did the same. For awhile there was no traffic so I put my thumb down and waited. Somewhere further along the road the lights turned green and more cars started coming my way. I stuck my hand out, feeling pretty hopeless by now. A young couple in a noisy souped up Japanese car slowed down, looked at me, and drove off. Finally a car stopped. It was a taxi.


I was ten minutes late for my date and she didn’t appear too bothered. I found her in the basement grocers looking at cheese off a refrigerated shelf. I had an alright time that night.

it is only blood from broken hearts that write the words to every song

Fabric of your open mouth
Architecture of your feet
You have long hair now
To toss to the night time beat
The beat to keep
No time for sleep

Eternal Living

For my intentions
Were good intentions
I could have loved you
I could have changed you

I wouldn't be so
I wouldn't feel so
Consumed by selfish thoughts

I'm sorry if I
Seem self-effacing
Consumed by selfish thoughts